60) looking back

All that has been said and done has been for nothing when you won't even reply. I stare on helplessly as you go through your struggles. Wanting to help but never being allowed. I ruined the one chance I had. I gave it all up on a whim. Repairing bonds that never should have been broken. It's human nature to want more. I hate myself for doing this to you. Giving you a sense of security someone you could talk to. It was what I also wanted. To be needed by someone special. You were that person. But for some reason I didn't accept it. Now i'm left. Not knowing what to do.

I told you I had things to sort out. Whether you believed me or not was all that I was worried about. I thought my conscience would be clear if I told you the truth about what was going on. I never meant to cause you anymore pain. Your so strong willed and you've been through so much.

I'm done with all my petty issues. I'm ready to be who you need. The person who you can rely on. Maybe even lighten your burden. Whatever you need. You were always there, right in front of my eyes. Looking back, I can see that now. I'm making an effort to talk, I just hope my words don't fall on deaf ears.

~~~

Just when I thought things were getting back to 'normal'...exams take hold of me. Oh well, at least that's all I have to worry about. Not. Musical rehearsals - trying to find the time to rehearse lines has become an arduous task. Not to mention my maze of a social life.

Time to get to work I guess. I got a long few weeks ahead. Head down, no looking back. But then again, looking back is all I seem to do.

Kinda contradictory?