83) like a candle burning in and out of existence

Death, I suppose can be good? if the person who has died merely survived, at least now we can rest knowing they are off on some far away place, happy, free and safe, seeing all their lost loved ones. One day when i'm old and senile I won't take up a bed in the hospital or nursing home watching the seconds tick by, as I count the minutes and hours as they turn into days, months and years. While I reminisce about past adventures. The day when I become a burden, a chore, is the day i'll want to die.

It's hard for me to watch my mother and grandmother mourn, If i feel this sense of loss and pain, then what must they feel? As tears of sadness soak the ground, I can only watch, comfort with a simple hug. I know that there better off now. We all saw it coming. But does that make it any easier?

~~~

How fragile life can be. Like the flame of a candle burning brightly as it comes into life and as it burns, so to does our existence. We may choose to burn strong and fast to leave a pulsing memory for those to come, or we may choose to linger, merely exist. As the wax pours down the sides and reshapes itself, so too, do we mold our lives.

One day your life will flash before your eye's, Just make sure it's worth watching...

...Rest In Peace Great Grandmother, I only wish I got to know you more.

82) one door closes, another one opens

Just when I seemed to be between a rock and a hard place, Life reveals unexpected things. Although the door has been shut, another soon opens and I find myself peering in. Allowing that to take hold of my focus and allowing me to concentrate on other things.

~~~

Yesterday after school I came home and starting reading. My dad comes in telling me to come outside, I assume of course that there's something for me to do. Upon reaching the front door he tells me to close my eye's, which I do reluctantly. Upon opening them I see a dark blue Subaru Outback parked in the driveway. Completely oblivious I thought we had a relative down I hadn't seen for a while, "Anthony, here's your car". I was absolutely dumbfounded. I had the biggest grin on my face, I couldn't believe I could have a car this good for my first car. I have yet to discover the year etc about it but I can get my P's in under 3 months.

~~~

I've got my application for work experience with Royal Military College Duntroon going in. So hopefully get accepted so I can go have a look at what I'll be doing for my career (:

That is all (:

anfern

81) Music Philosophy

80) In a minute there is time

So many decisions I need to make. Life has just been confusing and I've discovered some answers to my questions but not the answers I want. At one stage you seemed as real as the air in my lungs. Yet, somehow things changed and you left, leaving me breathless. How quickly your opinion changed that I didn't get a chance to tell you.

The void seems to get filled but as soon as I'm comfortable some rushing wind takes away my security and content. All i'm left with are memories of you and me, and the texts that remind me of what could've been.

Now I'm back to square one. But i'm not planning on pursuing that path anymore. I've been played and left wanting. However, today made me realise when we talked, things are awkward and you'd made up your mind how it was going to be. I was lost for words at your bluntness and couldn't organise my thoughts. What came out of my mouth wasn't witty remarks or smartarse comments, but waffle and murmurs.

I feel like all i've done was waste time, I wish you'd never sent that text. Leave the coals to burn out, not rekindle the fire. We're done.

79) a good last day

Last day of the holidays. It was probably the most constructive day of the week (: Started off by going to my mate's house and having a Jam with a group of friends. We ended up writing a song. Well, they did the music, I came up with the lyrics. The rest of the day has been spent getting ready for school, homework, uniform etc.

~~~

It's been a good break you could say. I no longer feel like a shadow, following people from place to place but rather doing my own thing, my own way.

Things have changed so much these past two weeks, friendships made and lost, clouds cleared and fog appeared. Some days I would know what I had to do, who I wanted to be with, then the next I wouldn't. Confused, the one word I would use to describe how I felt.

There's a lot of stuff that's happened in these past two weeks that I never even thought would. But they did and I guess that's just life, unexpected, relentless and a cold hard bitch.

Then again certain people have made me extremely happy,just by the things they've said. It's been...heart-warming, to say the least. I hope things work out between us and that someday soon we'll find the time. I can wait, but I'd rather not, every second we waste is another second we won't get to be together.

I can be your hero...



...but only if you'll let me.

78) consequences

Well things haven't changed I meant what I said. But I know I went too far.

77) another chevron

The first week of the holidays for me have been spent at Singelton Army Barracks for a promotional course to become a Sergeant or Staff Sergeant. It was a pretty full on week. I learnt so much in that week about myself and about what I was doing in the Corp.

During the week I did a lot of spontaneous singing, which definitely left a good impression on the rest of the course (: I passed the course, every assessment completed first go. It was overall a good week.

The the bus trip home I think was the best part of the trip. I got pretty cosy with someone else. She made me realise that there are others around that would respond well to my advances as well as making some of her own. That I could move on. Although I knew nothing more would come of that little experience, at least not in the near future. The entire week has been one eye opener after the other.

~~~

Thanks for telling me. I thought we were close enough friends that you could at least let me know. Instead I found out from someone else. I don't even care that your with someone, Just the fact that you didn't tell me shows how much I mean to you.