10) You.

the sound of rain, the touch of your skin, your smile, your presence, your love...

How could i know what that is at my 'tender' age...To say that your love is all I crave :)

Random words...what can I say? I was feeling...poetic.

My second post today...My music assignment has hit a bit of a rough patch...Although I was relieved to open my file and see I had completed more then I'd remembered :) But there's still a fair bit to do...

Times like these I think about dropping music :| the theoretical side is hectic shit sometimes...But then I think about how much I love playing the guitar and singing in front of crowds...I know you don't have to do music for all that...but it helps :)

performing is my passion...it's my inspiration for doing Music...Although I still think the 'concepts of music' can suck me :|

I'll watch the night turn light blue, But it's not the same without you...x

9) routine

Monday - Friday: School, Friday night: Work, Saturday: Homework, Work, Sunday: Family lunch, Homework...

Could my life be anymore repetitive...Days mesh together into weeks and weeks fade into months...I can't wait till i get my P's...I'll have loosened their hold on me and will be able to experience a new sense of freedom...8 months to go :|

Oh look it's starting to rain :) Just like the grey sky, my mind is again foggy and unclear...I hope my mind clears up soon...

...spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.

8) weather...

I was sitting down at the front of the 'restaurant'...waiting for the shop to 'open' for service...it seemed at that moment that the weather was imitating my emotions...

Dark grey clouds loomed heavily over Moruya...as I sat in my loneliness watching them envelop the once clear blue sky :(

There was, is, so much on my mind...so much I have to do in such a short amount of time...I'm suppose to go on a holiday with my family in march...I was keen to go at first but now...i don't wanna spend anymore time with my family then I have to...

I hate having to be the responsible, respectable, presentable, eldest son...Fucking ASIAN parents are the worst when it comes to expectations...You can't talk to them about things, there's no room for change...only what is aloud and what is not :(

Time spent away from them is time well spent...

Just a temporary topic change...

As of late...Jess has started working at the 'restaurant' as well as making my job easier, she's also made me want to work...I now look forward to Friday and Saturday nights :) Your definitely my inspiration Jess :)

back to my rant...

Family is great...but, my followers and fellow bloggers...you all know what happens when you spend too much time with them...Well at least for me I can only spend short amounts of time with them before I get sick of it...I don't hate them, Just dislike spending too much time with them...

Constantly reminding me of how hard they work to put me through school etc etc...Constant guilt trips...Which has inspired me to get the best job i can possibly get...and not force my children to work, allow them to have relationships with people of the opposite sex and enjoy their lives (to a certain extent of course)...

The rains have stopped but the grey clouds still hang above me....Well at least i've got some inspiration.

7) Inspiration for others :)

It seems, my followers and fellow bloggers, that I've started a fad :) Many of my friends have created blogs because of my own desire to do so...I think it's great that they've decided to do so...and encourage anyone else who wants to speak their mind to create a blog or two :)

Although my heart feels heavy at times and my mind a clutter...I find writing all my problems down helps :) To express yourselves through the written word is one thing I believe will do nothing but good...

Now that I've said what I want...I might as well have a bit of a rant :|

My love life seems to always be on the edge of my mind...constantly tugging at my brain for attention...I might as well tell you where I stand...

First some background information about my 'Dad's Ground Rules'...the one most relevant at this time...and very typical of asian parents..."no girlfriend til you 18"...ridiculous i know...just some bullshit about them ruing your life by distracting you from your school work...okay he has a point, but i'm not him...I can focus...What annoys me the most, is that he doesn't give me the choice or the chance...So typical of my hypocritical dad :(

Well now that you know that...it's odd that i may be talking about girls? Except I'm torn between them...

The first, let's cal girl X...I had a crush on when we'd first met...and I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way about me though...But every time I get her out of my head...I see her in person and can't help but have those feelings again...

The second girl Z, and i'm not numbering these girls by importance, just chronological order :| The feelings are mutual...she's just as pretty, just as sweet, just as real...

And so you can see my dilemma...

I don't know why i'm holding out for girl X...but I guess cos our time together (what little that is spent in each others presence) grows ever closer to the end with each passing day...no she's not dieing...But she's, perfect...well at least in my eyes...

Girl Z, what do you do when a pretty girl like her expresses interests in you... of course the feelings have been mutual but I feel as if I go for her...i'll lose Girl X...

I told myself to just forget all your troubles and start anew...and that's what i had in mind for Girl Z...but I couldn't get the other out...how hard i tried :(

Maybe I'm just being naive...but hey i'm young, i'm aloud to :) "Hopeless in my heart, don't know what to do, i think i'm in love..."

6) homework...

So very extremely bored...But determined to write an insightful post :)

I might as well to a little reflection on my life so far...well in regards to school...It seems as though as soon as the year started the god of homework turned a magical knob which increased our workload...

DAMN YOU GANESH!! *waves fist in air* (btw Ganesh is actually regarded as the god of education)

Anyways...there seems to be a pile of homework slowly encroaching upon my folder...I stare at it all for ages wondering where to start if I ever do start that is... Some days i'll crack down real hard and fit in a solid 5 or so hours of work...and others I fit in a solid 5 hours of nothingness...

I open my book to start the work...then 5 mins later find myself on Facebook or writing a post one of my blogs...

when you feel like your falling behind it's hard to try to catch up...especially when you feel like you never will...and the homework pile won't ever disappear but increase...falling further and further behind...before long I suffocate in the piles of paper that is my homework...

Some days I wish that i would wake up in the morning and find my homework done and dusted...but that's just a dream...

I leave for Canberra tomorrow morning for a 'leadership' event...missing a day of school...more catching up :( *sigh*

Well I best be off to get some sleep...hopefully my homework pile doesn't get any bigger while i'm dreaming...

5) my ethnicity

This is almost gonna be like a part two of my previous post about living life the way I want. I suppose if you think about it...all my posts pretty much link in someway or another...anyways best be moving on to what I wanna say before I forget :)

From a very young age your parents and your surroundings shape who you are to become...for me it was to be an Asian living on the south coast...odd combination if you ask me...

On the outside, yes, I have thick black hair, dark brown eyes and tanned skinned...but that's only a fraction of my identity...who I really am lies in my personality...

Our identities are not just our physical appearance though, nor are our identities just our personality...but our identity is a combination of both along with your family, friends, locality and what you do...

Being 'Asian' in appearance I've been subject to much racial discrimination...My 'friends' joke about it and at first it doesn't bother me...then when racial comments reoccur it gets annoying, then frustrating...till your at the breaking point...

Living down on the south coast i'd like to think I'm different from the 'stereotypical Asians'...but in reality there's no such thing as a 'stereotypical Asian'... because there is no such things as an 'Asian'...there are 'Chinese', 'Vietnamese', 'Japanese', 'Taiwanese', 'Korean' the lists goes on...but I definitely know that theres no country called Asia, there's a continent though...so people need to stop using such a general and ignorant term...You don't here us calling Arabs - middle easterners...

Yes i understand you can't tell because "we all look alike" clearly some of you need to get your eye's checked...I was a pretty ignorant child myself...and have changed a lot since my younger years...and i'm not just talking about puberty...I'm talking about the way in which I talk, act, dress and think...all shaped from life's experiences...and i'm still changing, my ideas are still developing and my skills widening...

But i'm also getting past all this racial discrimination..and although at times it gets me down...being 'different'...

but this is who I am...

I've learned to embrace my 'Asian pride' and my 'Aussie pride'...

make it apart of my own identity...

this is me...and i wouldn't have it any other way.

4) Live life the way you want

I'm a little overdue for a Post...mainly due to writers Block...so i'm gonna get some inspiration from my fellow Bloggers :)

Seems most of the other bloggers have been going on about life lately...I think I might just dazzle you with a little bit of my wisdom...how little there is...

'Make the most of living while you're young and have the chance to take your chances...' a quote from Sam's post, It's hard to say what young is, you may be 50 and still feel 15 does that make someone young, if they're young at heart? Parents are a big issue when it comes to living life...Mine for example don't want me to make any mistakes they've already made...which is pretty much all of them...but how am I suppose to learn if I don't make any it's apart of being young and naive...

So go out there and be naive while your still young :)

Here's another Blogger's point of view (JessJane), 'Living is the longest thing you'll ever do.

There's nothing you can do that will last longer than your life span, because you wont be around to do it?', It does shit me some times when people say life is short...I mean come on, it's longest thing you'll ever experience...What's longer to you than your own life?

But I suppose they do have a point. In the grand scheme of the universe, a single lifespan is of minuscule importance... Civilisations rise and fall just like the Sun, and just like the Sun our lives fade in and out of existence.

Life is a one-way street, there's no going back. But if I could, there would be some things I would definitely change, and there's going to be more of those regrets as I get older...But hey isn't that what being young and naive is all about...making regrets and looking back and laughing...Well I suppose you can't laugh at all your regrets...

Well I'm gonna cut myself off here before I bore you to death :) You only live life once...live it the way you want...

3) Silly :(

So much for my chronological posts :( In an attempt to 'neaten' up my posts...I successfully deleted my first two posts for this blog...FML.

I guess I should just give a quick summary of the two so at least you (my followers) will know what i'm goin on about...

The first titled 'Introduction' outlines what I would be talkin about...i'm pretty sure I said something along the lines of 'As i weave my way around my words, to achieve an unexpected result...' ...I really liked this first post because it was hell profound *sigh*

My second post was just a rant about my own problems...nothing spectacular :(

Pretty devastated that I could be so dumb as to delete the two posts...oh well :|

2) Inspiration

Something I seem to be lacking at this stage of my life...I have plenty of desire, but no inspiration to back it up...

I stare blankly at the screen, glancing from work sheet to keyboard :| Tiny Letters grouped into words, words joined into sentences, and sentences tied together in paragraphs...meshing together with a few pictures here and there to create a finished piece, of useless nothingness...

It would be nice to know what the future holds...to see where my life is heading, I want, need, an outside view of my life...to know that my existence will not continue to be pointless and empty...If i could just see...

But I guess that's not the way life works...

I constantly let good things slip through my fingers...Because I feel inadequate and unworthy...I guess you hear that all the time...People not willing to put out because there afraid that person will shut them down...

And I understand that...not knowing what the other person is thinking is pretty scary...especially when it risks destroying what you have...but if it does work out...then it could be even greater than before :)

I realise now i'm rambling and have strayed a little off topic...but i guess it just shows how my mind is easily distracted...and maybe that's why I have no inspiration...because I can't keep focused...But then again she is always on my mind...

I guess i'm just focusing on the wrong subject...her